Nico Tortorella: Gender, Sobriety, Relationship & Career

Nico Tortorella has been a familiar face since their role on Younger, but the conversation around them goes far beyond acting. This article explores how they navigate gender identity, sobriety, and a nontraditional family life — and why each of these choices is pushing back against Hollywood norms.

Full Name: Nico Tortorella · Profession: Actor, model · Spouse: Bethany C. Meyers · Children: 1 · Sobriety: 11 years (as of 2023)

A compact summary of verified biographical data from published sources follows below.

What is Nico Tortorella’s gender?

What does gender mean to Nico Tortorella?

• In a 2019 interview with Good Morning America, Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers both said they identify as non-binary and prefer they/them pronouns (Good Morning America).
• Earlier, in 2017, Tortorella told The Advocate they identified as “more of a pansexual” while also embracing the bisexual label “to help battle bi erasure” (The Advocate).
• By 2024, an Instagram post showed Tortorella had shifted to he/him pronouns for himself, while Meyers adopted she/her (Instagram).

What this means: Tortorella’s gender identity is not static — it has evolved publicly over nearly a decade, reflecting a growing acceptance of fluidity that challenges Hollywood’s binary casting norms.

How does Nico Tortorella identify?

• Tortorella has described themselves as “non-binary to a certain degree” in a 2024 podcast (YouTube).
• They also said the pronoun update was partly linked to experiences with infertility (Instagram).
• The couple describe themselves as polyamorous as well (YouTube).

The pattern: Tortorella uses their platform to openly rewrite labels, showing that identity can shift with context — and that non-binary and monogamous are not automatically paired.

The displacement from binary casting to fluid self-definition marks one of the most visible shifts in modern LGBTQ+ visibility.

Is Nico Tortorella sober?

How did Nico Tortorella achieve sobriety?

• Tortorella says they got sober in 2015, after finishing the first season of Younger (YouTube).
• They credit the plant kratom for helping maintain that sobriety. In 2025, they launched an alcohol-free drink called DER containing 30 milligrams of kratom (ABC News).
• In a 2019 interview, Tortorella called alcohol “the one thing that really was the devil for me” and described a moment when they grabbed vodka from the freezer during an attempt at a sober day (ABC News).

The catch: Tortorella’s sobriety story is tightly linked to kratom, a substance with its own regulatory debates. While they frame it as a success tool, public-health authorities remain cautious.

What challenges have they faced?

• Tortorella has said their sobriety is “fluid like the rest of who I am” (ABC News).
• They still smoke weed, and have been open about the fact that complete abstinence from all substances was not their path (ABC News).
• Kratom’s legal status varies; some health organizations have flagged potential for dependence (National Institute on Drug Abuse).

The trade-off: Tortorella’s model of “sober but not straight-edge” is increasingly visible, but it also tests the boundaries of what recovery communities consider acceptable support.

The implication for public-health discourse: a celebrity’s lived experience, however well-meaning, cannot substitute for controlled trials.

What does Nico Tortorella do now?

What are their current acting projects?

• Tortorella is developing a new show with wife Bethany Meyers, expected to begin filming in 2025 (Grazia).
• They continue to take acting and modeling work, though specific film titles have not been announced.

Are they involved in any new shows with their spouse?

• Yes — the couple will collaborate professionally on a project that blends their real-life dynamics with fictional storytelling (Grazia).
• Tortorella remains highly active on Instagram (Instagram), where they post about family, sobriety, and advocacy.

The implication: After the end of Younger in 2021, Tortorella is shifting from mainstream TV to more personal, independent storytelling — a move that reflects their broader ethos of living authentically.

Are Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers still together?

When did they get married?

• Nico Tortorella and Bethany C. Meyers are married, though the exact date and location of their wedding have not been publicly confirmed (Good Morning America).
• The 2017 Advocate profile described the couple as “openly nontraditional” and noted they were both discussing romantic relationships with other people (The Advocate).

Do they have children?

• Yes, they welcomed their first child in 2023 (Grazia).
• Tortorella has said that becoming a parent helped solidify their family dream and deepened their commitment to sobriety (ABC News).

The pattern: Tortorella and Meyers are still together in 2025, actively building a family and professional brand that defies traditional relationship scripts.

What is kratom and why does Nico Tortorella use it?

What is kratom?

• Kratom (Mitragyna speciosa) is a tropical tree native to Southeast Asia whose leaves produce opioid-like effects at low doses (National Institute on Drug Abuse).
• The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has not approved kratom for any medical use and has warned about safety risks (FDA).

How does kratom help with sobriety?

• Tortorella discovered kratom about eight or nine years after stopping drinking, and they now use a low dose of 30 mg per serving in their drink DER (ABC News).
• They call it a “tool” that helps them manage cravings without relapsing (ABC News).

What are the controversies around kratom?

• Kratom has been linked to addiction, withdrawal, and in rare cases, death — especially when combined with other substances (NIDA).
• The FDA has issued public health advisories, and several states have banned its sale (FDA).

The trade-off: Tortorella’s advocacy gives kratom a celebrity face, but public-health officials argue that self-reported success stories cannot replace clinical safety data.

The unresolved tension: individual testimony versus aggregate safety data.

Timeline

1. July 30, 1988 – Born in Chicago, Illinois (Wikipedia).
2. 2011 – Film debut in Scream 4 (The Advocate).
3. 2015 – Stars as Josh in TV series Younger (runs through 2021) and achieves sobriety (YouTube).
4. 2019 – Publicly identifies as non-binary in Good Morning America (ABC News).
5. 2023 – Claims 11 years of sobriety using kratom; welcomes first child (Grazia).
6. 2025 – Announces new show with spouse Bethany Meyers and launches DER kratom beverage (Grazia).

Clarity breakdown

Quotes

“I’m not a believer in one being the end all be all. So my sobriety is fluid like the rest of who I am.”

— Nico Tortorella, 2019 (ABC News)

“We’re building a show that is our real life — the good, the bad, the weird.”

— Bethany C. Meyers, 2025 (Grazia)

“Alcohol was the one thing that really was the devil for me.”

— Nico Tortorella, 2019 (ABC News)

“We have always been non-binary to a certain degree.”

— Nico Tortorella, 2024 (YouTube)

The narrative Tortorella has built — a non-binary, sober, polyamorous parent launching a kratom drink — challenges nearly every Hollywood archetype at once. For the industry that cast them as a straight romantic lead on Younger, the contrast is stark. And for audiences who look to them as a role model, the takeaway is that visibility comes with its own set of contradictions.

For young LGBTQ+ people in the U.S. who are navigating identity and recovery, Tortorella’s path offers one template — but it is a template that includes substances the FDA considers risky. Tortorella’s personal choices, while celebrated by some, force a public reckoning with the risks of unregulated substances.

Frequently asked questions

Related reading: Lara Katseye: Real Name, Age, Ethnicity, and LGBTQ Identity · Kristin Cavallari: Divorce, Sobriety, Kids, Feud, and Net Worth